⋆ bleh ⋆

    feeling a bit insecure, i suppose? i might bring back my other blog to talk about this feeling more because this is a hobbyist blog, after all. i don't know why listening to my own voice makes me wince when i'm talking to family members, but i'm fine with it in a online setting. when i talk about things that bother me, i feel like i come off as some whiny brat or something.. like anything i say or complain about doesn't matter. i guess this feeling comes because i've been hurt by a lot of people i confided into ever since last year ended.. it's going to be a year since that incident.

honestly, a lot of things trouble me. that's why i need the internet. i need some sort of a safe place outside of a professional world to just write about how i feel and whatever's bothering me. i like to be organized too, though..

do i really need likes and comments to feel like i matter? or does all the attention get soaked up by people who genuinely don't need it, and they are super aware of that? it feels wrong in this day and age of the internet to admit that, "yeah a little like or comment does go a long way" or something. we are so quick to criticize people that are online for online validation, so we kind of hide our pure intentions. which makes sense, we don't want to get hurt and become too vulnerable.. but still. it's really hard to decipher a lot of people, and the truth doesn't come out until later on...

well, i guess it helps me to know that i'm valid, and these emotions are too. i just hate how i feel surrounded by people who want to mute me when they ask me what's wrong and then i tell them. i can't wait to be in the future... 5 years away from this mess.