rejection of one's self

 i'm watching a make-up tutorial so here is my heavy criticism of it, because why not. i doubt she'll ever see this. 

so the video starts off with the girl putting bambi eye lenses into her eye. this is the first red flag for me because if you really trusted yourself with the ideal vision of the makeup look, why would you need those eye lenses? i thought you would already have those eyes naturally. this is why the act of putting on makeup is combined with a perception of one putting on a mask, one being someone that they aren't.

my personal philosophy when it comes to make-up is that it must enhance your natural beauty. i like complicated makeup too, but the more simplistic it is for me, the more enjoyable and understandable it is, especially to both the viewer and the wearer. 

the acting in the video kind of made me feel so exhausted that i continued to watch it on mute. you might be wondering why am i even watching it, it's because i want to have a understanding to enhance more of my makeup look for my audience, and this is a public tutorial. 🤓

it's not even just my audience though, it's something i believe i must master on my own.

she describes her natural eyes as "dead man's eyes", so i believe she put in the eye lenses so that the camera lights can reflect in her eyes genuinely. it's this contradiction that makes people believe that people who wear too much makeup, may be genuinely beautiful, or maybe they are just in love with the surface of the mask.

she believes that her genuine eyes are "dead inside", maybe due to mental stress or something, so she puts on these eye lenses to look more alive. maybe all the art i've seen featuring these specific themes is just a parody or them trying to truly understand and grasp why do people do this to theirselves. 

my mother always tells me to put foundation powder on before leaving the house. i always thought that was meaningless, especially on a hot day because it hides - you. when i watch this video, i notice how the foundation is hiding or suffocating the natural pink blush that she has, which is a shame because it had potential for enhancing the look she is trying to strive for. i for one believe that my acne dots on my face are a bit cute to be honest, so i try to not hide them. i get that self acceptance is a long journey, but that was disappointing to see that she used foundation powder. 

i'm starting to think that if anyone uses any foundation, they hate theirselves. i feel like i am suffocating my true self when i use it. my mother wants me to use it to practically be invisible when i walk into a room so i don't bring any "attention" to myself, but i've been playing the role of invisible my entire life until i turned 18. 

so the theme of this makeup look is basically a child like look, for fun. even though she tries to emphasize that as we get older, we tend to look at more expensive brands of makeup, it seems that she isn't necessarily using dollar-store brand makeup to achieve the look. so that's the ironic part of it. i guess people like this channel so much because they show the reality of these models and the process of how they put together their appearance. no one needs to make a parody because to some people, the reality is already tragic yet hilarious, i'm not exactly laughing at this girl, i'm fascinated by the process, but i try to avoid these kind of videos because the more i watch, the more i feel underwhelmed. i don't have any negative feelings towards her, though. 

so i guess the reason why i highlight the theme is because it's pointless for her to put foundation on, other than the fact that she is just wearing make-up on her face. it detracts from the look she is striving for, but i guess, let's see as she continues to put more product on her face. also, i guess the act of that is indeed childish because children tend to mirror adults because they believe they think they know best, it reminded me of a child probably mirroring the adults in the makeup commercials. 

next, she puts baby powder on her face. i suppose this is for the pleasant scent. i was actually following a instagram tutorial on "how to look like a doll" and she also put baby powder on her face. i was scared to put too much because my complexion is a few shades darker than the girl in the tutorial, and i didn't want to make my face appear too pale. i also wasn't going outside, so i felt as if that scent on my face would be a bit meaningless.. maybe it would be useful to just use primer for me because that smells nice, too.

a hypocritical note appears when she mentions that it's a bit of a higher class baby powder. i thought she was trying to use genuinely affordable things, i get that it's easy to upgrade your makeup the more you've been using it, but it goes against what she introduced in the beginning. 

she introduces a cream blush as her blush. it's in a small circular container. i also have a container of blush, as i introduced in one of my youtube videos, i honestly need to collect more, to be honest, but i need to get into that when i get my first lolita fashion coordinate. finally, a more common item, it seems.

it feels a bit creepy how it seems like the presenter is obviously nervous while doing their make-up and discussing the process in real-time and everything around them is high quality. i get that they most likely signed up to do this, but there seems to be no cuts whatsoever. 

maybe she chose to strive for this make-up look because that there's more of a variety of make-up for children, or she's exhausted by "the world of expensive cosmetics". 

her advice: apply light colors all around on your face, like the area of a school yard, to appear more youthful, because dark colors spread all around would look "too mature". i'm just going to take that with a grain of salt.

i think more people need to realize that when they upload something to youtube, the entire world can view it if they wish. it's not just by a language barrier, especially when one decides to add multi-language captions to your videos.. the displayed "naivety" can really come off as disrespectful to other people.

when youtube used to display the dislike counter, i didn't understand why people massively disliked these videos on this channel. i felt bad for the makeup artists who are just trying to describe theirselves for good. but the more i watch this make up tutorial in full, the more i want to dislike the video.. so i did just that. sowwy.

anyways, i didn't know there was a makeup product seemingly named after AKB48's hit song, "heavy rotation". that's the brand name of the nose powder. i honestly believe you can use foundation as that though, but there's different shades involved so i might look into it. i don't want to accidentally look like a "gyaru" though, and my nose has a natural shine i believe.

i have to admit her comparison to a moai statue made me laugh a bit. 

she uses highlighter on her face as well, something i'm considering purchasing but i don't think i'll buy for now. also, she says it's something that your mother would buy and i felt a bit sad because my mother only uses foundation. i wish that she used a intensive line of makeup, because i associate that with womanhood, and it's not to necessarily hoping she can hide what is the truth.

anyway, the highlighter she is using has a pink base, with a little glitter inside, so that's cute. i have a sparkle wand that has a hot pink base, with sliver glitter inside. i like her highlighter because i need something more subtle..

she mentions that it gives off a 3-dimensional look and doesn't want the face to look flat. um, your face will only look flat if you don't blend in everything.. especially correctly. just close your eyes while blending if you're afraid of it getting inside of your eyes.

i like the usage of "alternative colors" such as light green eyeshadow. it's nice to see other palettes being used on one's face that isn't a skin matching tone. i guess it shows the naivety of how a little girl would think to add eyeshadow to, to mimic a adult makeup's look, although the color for that would usually be purple, at least from what i've seen in western media.

finally, makeup that emphasizes the "eye bags". i'm personally obsessed with this. she uses a pink beige brush that seems to be made just for the eye bags. it's just that it blends in too much with her pale eye surrounding so you can barely see the pink, or the makeup at all due to the bright lighting, so i guess it supports her "natural" appearance to even out the eyeshadow but i don't see anything at all. 

it's cute that she is trying to show a appearance of an eye bag though without the usage of plastic surgery to emphasize them, however.

ah, so she says that the individuals of that girl group, mini-moni, and the stars of Double U (W), had "white stuff" underneath their eyes (not cold), but it was really subtle. i start to understand why i put white eyeliner under my eyes too, although i really just wanted to have a living doll look like venus angelic, back in those days. she describes it as a "Rascal little girl" look. a bit strange, but かっこいい, i guess.

she uses a light pink highlighter. i decide to find a good highlighter color for me..

she says a eyebrow pencil is not needed for people who already have eye bags. yeah that would hurt my eyes, so i'll be skipping that part. x w x

apparently, it adds a subtle shadow. 🆗

she has stickers from mezzo piano, that were categorized as "jewelry stickers". so lucky, i wish i had those, although i would probably find myself placing it on my notebooks or something, and i don't know how long they would last on my face, ww. hey, maybe i could even fall asleep with them on..!

...anyways..

how interesting, she used a lip balm that is the shape of a lollipop. i don't know about myself getting one of those, but it's cute and matches her theme. 🐰👍

so that's it. it was a very interesting video. i'm sure if i was another type of person, i would write this all in a youtube comment, but i don't know if they would want to read that, and i don't want to be interpreted as a "hater". so this is what blogs are for.

goodbye