being a influencer sucks

 being a influencer sucks. it just feels like you're someone out there to copy and not really appreciate. i'm not desperate for love as much as it may seem but i just would like to be appreciated. i feel like this is a bit too overwhelming for me. i try to make reels that no one watches, i try to make memes that no one appreciates, and more nonsense. i know it's the existence that attracts, not the attraction that prompts a existence. i'm unhappy so i might go private and take a break from instagram or something. i'm like, 430 followers away from my goal.

being a influencer is honestly so boring. especially if you're not making money from it.

i just want to exist so i might turn to being a twitter influencer? but twitter is like a big spider, and it's legs and arms, dive into other parts of the internet. instagram honestly felt better when i was just using it for my friends and everything, not like this. i feel like the more best you feel about yourself, the more people want to absorb parts of you from it. i'm tired of the copycats. i don't care if "my account isn't big enough", this is draining and i don't really have a lot of mental health points as is. 

do you just go on there to show off things you don't like about yourself or something? that's a easy way to get famous but then you're known as the person who did the thing that only you don't like. i just want to be happy, on instagram it feels like i am a stepping stone for other people's happiness. and don't even get me started on how disturbing it is to see people interact with your personal account out of nowhere.. large accounts that aren't even in your native language, it's creepy to me because i never outwardly promoted that account at all. 

honestly, if i have everything that makes me happy, the internet is only best for documentation. i'm not making any friends on instagram at all. it feels like a dark hole full of insecure worms to ramble and complain about individuals they have never seen in their entire lifetime. 

i'm going private now, on both accounts.

twitter will be my main home now.. maybe. it's more relaxing and small. and if people are giving you a hard time, just block them.