neptune

 there once was a little girl named Neptune. in the mirror world, there was a girl named Enutpen. these girls didn't have much in common despite their appearance. Enutpen lived inside the mirror. that was the only way how they could communicate.

"wow, it sure is nice that someone that is so SIMILAR to ME exists out there! it's interesting to see how YOU live, so particularly similar to me, little girl!" said Enutpen excitedly. all neptune could do is just look at her in awe.

"so i have a onee chan. someone who happens to be an older version of me." the mirror was created a year before neptune's birth, so that's how neptune thought of it. 

"i guess i should take advantage of this experience, since this girl is so excited to see me," Enutpen thought. neptune was rather alone. she had a old mirror she used to talk to herself in, but this mirror was apparently from neptune's childhood that she finally got to see now. she ended up talking about all sorts of things with this kind-appearing reflection, with eyes like a fox. neptune and enutpen both strived to live in this beautiful, yet obscure village someday. there were healthy yet beautiful food, with beautiful people and kind-hearted music that reflected their true intentions. it was like if clarity was a place..

apparently, enutpen's mother was born in the same area where this village is, but not in the village itself. that's valid in a lot of people's books, but there's a distinct difference. especially to neptune's little mind. 

...

neptune had a boy that he liked. his name was pluto. all she could really do is just stare at him when pluto was around. pluto was intelligent, neptune felt more than her. but he was also really silly and not well-rounded. he was a oddball. all neptune could do is not help but have a red face and point to him laughing whenever he said anything, because she was so happy that he even acknowledged her existence. neptune saw a potential in their future, but..

...

neptune was in class. "almost is not enough, almost is not there", her english teacher said as he wrote on the chalkboard. neptune's mind couldn't help but wonder. "enutpen is at the almost mark, but not exactly there. and people still give her exactly what she needs to feel alive and validated as a living being with interests and a conscious." that was what she wrote in her notebook absent mindedly.

she looked at her hand.

"why not me?" she thought.

"i'm more validated than her.. right? my last name came from europe, or something. that should count for something? at least my name isn't some type of verb, noun or whatever. it's an actual, legitmate name. meanwhile, enutpen's last name is not even culturally from the area she is from. it seems to be a generic name that has more of a weight than her pretend-name."

neptune tried to erase it so strange onlookers wouldn't label her as discriminatory or something of that nature.  she left it there, as she realized no one around her really cared for this class except for herself.

pluto's eyes couldn't help but tear up around his irises whenever he was teased by neptune. neptune didn't really understand why this could be. she was just excited to be noticed in his large ray of existence. they lived in perfect, although a sometimes difficult harmony sprinkled with regrets time to time again until enutpen weeded her away into the friendship.

in those earlier conversations, neptune felt excited to share to enutpen who she currently liked. she can remember being stoned by rocks being tossed at her over and over when she revealed to one of her classmates about who she currently liked, after facing a series of rejection. since enutpen is trying hard to make it seem like she is a reflection of who she says she is, she thought she could confide in her, her secrets. maybe she could use her mind as storage, almost. well think again, my neptune.

one day, on her way home from school, she saw enutpen and pluto walking home together, holding a sweet treat in their hands. neptune dropped everything in her hands and ran away, trying to not cry in public.

neptune shouldn't have thought to confide into enutpen about who she had a crush on. it quickly became a game of, "who's lover could i steal first?" between the girls, a game that neptune never wanted to play in the first place. she just wanted to be in peace with her loved one.

"give him back. i can't stand the loneliness." the depressed singer sang to her audience on the television. neptune couldn't help but watch with teary eyes as she resonated with the lyrics, while eating a few mango slices.

it's been several years since pluto and neptune stopped talking, for whatever reason. one day pluto just chose to stop talking to her and focus only on enutpen. is it because she's older than neptune? was neptune just too mean and juvenile? no one really knows except pluto himself, if he even has the awareness and consciousness. 

neptune walked outside of her home in the middle of the night and wailed to the bright blue moon in the dark night sky. "why? why did life make it so that she is chosen and not me? is it because she looks more mature? is it because of her mother enabling her? did he hit his head and forget who is really who? why? why?"

neptune wailed out loud. "i want to be valid too! why don't people care about me? i'm just as good as enutpen. it doesn't matter if i'm younger than her. why do i get invalidated the most?" she stared down into her reflection of the pond. she splashed it with her fists crying out loud, until a bomb was sent her way which sent her flying away. it was from one of her family members telling her to shut up. "i bet Enutpen's family doesn't abuse her like this."

neptune traced the sharp razor blade's tip on her fingertips. they were bruised and bloody from this common practice, but the cold unfeeling metal of the blade calmed her down. it's been around 4 years since pluto has stopped talking to neptune and pluto had pritorized enutpen more than her. why did enutpen pressure neptune to tell her about her crush? i don't understand young girls these days.. 

"i guess the affair between enutpen and pluto mean none of my business", neptune speedily wrote to herself in her personal notebook.

one day on neptunes scroll to school, there was a adorable, new boy that reminded her of the fading beauty of the fading sunset by the beach, a childhood memory that she still holds onto. his name was frost. neptune stumbled by him to say her hello's, and she was stunned like a frozen statue of stone whenever he showed his curiosity in her more than even she was willing to imagine. 

somehow, she finally had found her version of pluto. she couldn't accept that enutpen had pluto, and now she has frost. it wasn't like that. 

eventually, frost invited her to his friend group. there was a ignorant person that couldn't tell you his age even on his fingers that came from the same area that enutpen's family came from. enutpen was half though, she shared half a identity with neptune, and neptune was half, too. she fell into a more generalized area of europe and asia. it wasn't as exclusive as enutpen's continent. 

anyway, neptune stared at that weird... clown. neptune would've ignored his stupid existence if he didn't own a can badge from one of her favorite series when she was younger. rolling sparkle. you'd think that would be catered to girls, but i guess he caught wind of it because it's from area that both i, neptune and enutpen strived to be a part of. whatever. neptune was tired of being excluded her entire life. enutpen only got a acceptance from some people from that area due to how her eye shape is familiar to them. neptune knew that her insides were more geniune than hers, so she let pluto play his little baby games with enutpen, or whatever he's doing to make her lifespan shorter.

neptune was talking to another boy about how she sang songs in that pleasant village's native language. other friends of frost was there. the ignorant boy caught wind of it and started to say weird things, that were obviously offensive. "i'm literally from the same continent as those original singers. who says that i don't have authority over you?"

neptune's face scrunched and told him to go play in traffic. the ignorant boy still kept trying to impede his way into neptune's heart to crush it's core, and steal what was inside of it. neptune was fine. she experienced a lot more rodeos than this one. she wasn't going to run home crying to her parents. those terrible parents. that terrible family that lives in a terrible home. terrible household.

the day went on and the ignorant boy kept seeking attention by his annoying actions. so neptune thought it was right to treat the ignorant boy as if he was some type of pest, because that was who he was in definition to neptune. apparently, everyone else in the friend group didn't like it. they saw neptune's choices as a overreactment for some reason. they couldn't take the time, if it was even possible to consider why neptune is saying these things in the first place. "UGH, WHY DO PEOPLE WITH HALF-ASSED EXISTENCES ALWAYS GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING!" she stormed off. she couldn't understand how those people got a greater rate of acceptance in society more than she did. pluto was gone. she couldn't believe that frost could surround himself in that type of company. neptune was frankly just, done. she couldn't stop crying on her sprint home.

neptune's new goal in life wasn't to get pluto magically back somehow, nor crush the vermin that was enutpen, because she'd had to weed out so many similar girls like her that prompted enutpen's existence in the first place. she just sat there, in her room, doing nothing, for days. she thought it was better than cultivating the attractive magic that would help her understand the lucky villagers in that kind village more. it almost felt pointless because most were deceived by the looks on the half-face's from people of enutpen's village, and then wonder why relationships are unstable, and promises are broken. 

LIFE BECAME MEANINGLESS

what was neptune to do? she printed out a picture of enutpen from the internet, placed hot sauce packets behind the photo and started to throw some of her evil brother's darts at her face. that was only a temporarily stress relief, but neptune could never find it inside of her to truly hurt someone else..

- to be continued -