more old memories

 i was finally able to resurface how i felt about my classmates, when my life first began. i appreciated my teachers and i realize how realistic yet patient and kind that they are. even when i found myself asking uncomfortable questions, everyone was truly pure and kind there. i had to leave the neighborhood due to my high grades and my parents and my teachers advocating for me to get a better education.

i didn't know how to really think or approach that topic of "moving on from everyone else" there, because there were times where i wish i was younger and was at that old school again, but things changed for the worse there, especially remembering how rude and cold my kindergarten teacher was, so i started to accept that me moving away from that school was the best thing to do.

sometimes i saw children from my old school around and i didn't know what to really say. sometimes there was a hug but i do remember people asking me where did i go and i just told them that i needed to move on.

that's why i miss the 2000's, along with many other reasons. people were transparent and more innocent back then, not compared to my family lol. i understood that my classmates had obligations with their family as well, so i couldn't be alone with them as a choice compared to being alone with my family, but i felt so safe there that i took a nap a few times, i know that's expected for children to like naps when they're starting school out but sometimes that feeling of tranquility isn't always there for some children.

i just hope, if they're still alive, life continued on for them. i realized it's normal to have insecurities along with other things as well.

kindergarten is sort of when life became rocky for me because i was starting to get bullied and i just reacted by really saying nothing or crying. they sent another girl from my old school to my new one and i felt awkward because she continued to bully me. fortunately her parents sent her away. erm, to another state. so i felt a relief because i was interested in how unique my classmates were. some of them were british, russian, and came from a few other things so we got to watch a lot of interesting movies, and i will never forget what interesting toys and merchandise they had from their home countries. i think i had a sound life back then, so that's why i also miss those times. i had a balance.

i knew what to stay away from online from the most part. i would just watch japanese commercials, MADs, and other silly things. but i would also spend the entire day watching various vocaloid covers and videos, i remember the rainbow video filter fondly. i was happy. i found myself joining art websites and other things, too. 

of course, sometimes i acted immaturely, but that was when i was a kid. i just want to go back to the old times, sometimes, but i kept myself safe in a world of my own escapism rather than living in reality thanks to the computer. it's how i found myself relating to that video game addiction song by hatsune miku.

it's just that, my family kept me safe from video games until i was introduced to vocaloid games, and then eventually splatoon. i got a ds lite as a reward for my good grades and behavior in school, but they were very simple yet enjoyable games for children.

i'm honestly terrified of people's younger than me's obsession over the aspects of my good days online. it seems like something they desperately want to be a part of, but not understand in the least. that's why i'm starting to feel uncomfortable seeing nyan cat around slowly, because nyan cat was based off the pixel artist's cat that passed away and people are ignorant to that truth, they just want to be "cool" or impress older people like me or what-fucking-ever.

anyways, i guess that's it for now. 

i hope i can collect more miku merchandise. i'm finally happy to move away from nintendo a bit more and be a part of the sony and sega universe, yey.