✟LOL✟

*picks up a flower and starts picking the petals*

✟I want to die, I don't want to die, I want to die, I don't want to die, I want to die, I don't want to die.. F$%K!✟

I don't know what life wants me to do, and I'm honestly scared to see, so I will just do what I would like to do. 

I hate attention seekers, obviously I know that there is a reason to their bizarre behavior, but half the time, they don't even realize what they're doing, nor the damage they're doing to the people they label as "friends" and that's so sad and scary. 

Maybe I should just have a gimmick online, where I annoy a group of people that I don't like, but wish to be like anyways, like the pattern of so many attention seekers I see online do, anyways. Also those third wheelers in real life relationships that don't understand the concept of self respect, or learnt so way too late in the game and they don't even recognize what a miserable state of affairs they're in. 

Anyway, on this topic of attention seekers, I tried to make a song that accidentally revealed how I felt inside - miserable. It reminded me of a combination of mushi-p's music, and PowaPowaP's music, specifically the song, "Help Yourself to Seconds". I wasn't expecting the finished product to sound like that, but it sounds great. I guess I was inspired by all of those DRAMA CD's and talkloid projects that find it's way on an album or another. 

It reminded me of the stupid youtube videos of this idiot I used to know online. All she does is make borderline "scary" videos that disturb all of her friends and fans as a "cry for help" for something, while all I do is get ignored or get laughed at. How much more development do I need to go through in order to be taken seriously? I sort of made that song for attention unintentionally to shed light on negative feelings but I'm deeply unhappy with this response. I don't understand why idiots get things that people in need deserve more than them. All she is, is a shallow attention seeker who doesn't know when to stop, and she needs to stop and touch some grass. No one cares for her online, so just stop the nonsense. Thanks. You made the internet a better place for once if you just log off and delete that stupid youtube channel of yours. 😀

I showed it to a friend who tries his best to make it appear that he cares for me and he just laughed at it. What the fuck. 

I try to be grateful for the portions I receive in life but how could I not feel even the least bit slighted. 

Not to mention I'm trying to be at the very least functional. 

Then my friend practically ignored an opening for us to talk about something upsetting that happened to me, and just replied with "rest in peace". It's one of the most goddamn irritating things you can tell to someone online. Just stop using online spaces if you're going to still type as if you're still a minor using the internet.

Worse things have happened to me this year but god. I don't want to be introverted online, my attempts of being extroverted in real life are as tiny and pathetic as is.

There's that cursed saying that I read online a few years ago that went like, "people care about you a little less than you believe they do", and that really got to me.

Anyways that's it for now. I guess I will fix my streaming settings and such.

Good-night