what can i do to make myself happy

 yep, another one of these posts again. i feel like im developing at a rapid pace. i feel like i'm working on the outward appearance on how people see me than working with my insides if that makes any sense. i'm watching videos that seem to only help how people could see me on the outside, in terms of interest and not really mental health advice. 

it's only a few more weeks before everything comes in the mail. i want to spend some time with some people that i know, but i don't want to be annoying or irritating, even if they want me to be "that". 

i guess what could make me happy is a yukiko okada styled song? but i'll probably spend at least 10 hours on it. i guess there's nothing wrong with that. 

i need to think of how the lyrics would be and everything. it would be a song completely in english, too..

i guess, its a song about a love letter?

the love letter

*drums* *8bit synths*

my heart is spinning around, like doki-doki

hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

as i hand this love letter to you (to you~) (saxophones and trumpets)

*acoustic guitar solo*

background singers: the love letter, is my message, to youu~

i tried..

i don't like it when reality sets into me. like when i realize i'm listening to a young girl sing that died over 3 decades ago, but what's wrong with that? i'm still grieving her passing.

moving onto another topic, the wiring of my brain has always been a little faulty. no, this isn't a sign for you to do some strange research on my brainwaves and me. when i am doing something on my own time and i get a message from someone, i feel as if my existence is validated, somehow. like i was just existing and that was it, but now my existence is validated because this cool person acknowledged my existence and wants my attention or something.

i'd like to focus on myself more, so i guess i'll make my bed, sit up and make some music. i really can't wait for my hatsune miku headphones to come in the mail soon..!!!

bai-bai