crying because i'm weird

 i thought you would love me more if i had more of a free expression. i dont get anything back. instead, you seem to like the people that say not much of anything. what am i doing wrong. i have a reason to hurt myself but i shouldn't fucking do it because i don't want to let down the people that cheer for me, fortunately in person. i feel disappointed and i just want to grab a big eraser and erase me away. i'm trapped in this torturous game with you. there is no guarantee of winning or anything. this life sucks. 

i don't understand how the other person found acceptance from being immature and honestly being a horrible person. everytime i even try slightly to be a horrible person i get an equivalent of a cigarette butt on my arm or something, but it's mental.